Thursday, May 28, 2009

Mad Gab

Lately my life has been marked with sadness.
A struggle in my personal life has resulted in forced smiles and down cast eyes.
At the beginning of this season I would cry out to God...sometimes in sadness...sometimes in anger...sometimes in confusion. It seemed however I didn't hear God answer...not even a still small voice.

At times I would begin thinking that God was not wanting to talk to me and would ask friends how God was working in their lives. Each and every time, a friend would reply with how they were experiencing God. I had mixed emotions. One celebrating that God was working among them in such a great way and the other a deeper sadness that I wasn't seeing Him work among my life.

Sadly my prayers began to slowly be withheld. If God is chosing not to work in my life then I will chose to cease conversing with Him. (side note...Not recommended)
As the situation did not change, I found myself missing God. I didn't know how to begin praying. The situation that had brought the sadness didn't show signs of change so how was I to pray in a believing fashion? All I knew was to open God's Word. The pages in my Bible fell open to Psalms 143 and I begin to read.

"Come quickly Lord, and answer me, for my deprssions deepens.
Don't turn away from me, or I will die.
Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you.
Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you."

This was just what I needed. God was speaking to me through the words of David.
I felt a spark of hope that God had not forsaken me.

Last night I really struggled with going to church. I was really wanting to go, unlock the doors, then retreat to my car until time to lock the doors back. Thankfully someone saw me and I was committed to stay.

Our pastors wife had graciously offered to lead the class for me and when she saw me she laughed because she had been caught. She was not expecting my attendance and decided to teach through a game. Her thoughts were, "If kids can learn through a game so can the women."

Honestly, my heart sunk. A game? How would God show Himself to me through a silly game? But you know what? He did!

We joined in a fun and lively game of Bible Mad Gab. We laughed as we heard the other team saying the phrase but not realizing it. We joked about how they were getting so close but yet so far. We research where the phrase was in the scriptures.
We enjoyed a great fellowship during a mid-week gathering that was simply refreshing.

To me that was just what the Great Physican ordered. I needed to know that although my sad situation was not letting up miraculously, God was still providing. He was being my sustainer, my all in all.

I can now read and attach myself to Psalm 143:11 "For the glory of your name, O LORD, preserve my life. Because of your faithfulness, bring me out of this distress."

He is faithful...may I be found faithful as well.




Woman of Clay said...

Oh my wonderful Christian sister - how deeply I feel what you are going through. I love you... alot. We need to... no, we MUST go to lunch and pour our hearts out to one another.

Anonymous said...

So Friend!! I haven't read in awhile~~ but I'm glad I checked up on you here. I have walked through these waters, you know about them. Still do some weeks. Your words encouraged my soul. I will pray for you as now I know you face them too. He teaches us in the dessert. I always find I'm more resistant to learning then, too tired I claim. But still He gets through. I love you sister! I'll be praying for you. HUGS! "Blessed is the man who ENDURES temptation when he is tried he will receive the crown of life." (James 1) stephanie s.

Tonia Hobbs said...

MMMmmmmm, how many times have a resorted to my favorite Psalm 86? Numerous times. I will pray for you, my friend.